


In Your Eyes

by Deansimpallagrl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Comfort Sex, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2019-02-28 02:20:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13261572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deansimpallagrl/pseuds/Deansimpallagrl
Summary: Jensen and Jared meet in a counseling center where Jensen volunteers and Jared runs it.  Jensen needs help but turns aside his own pain to help others. He soon finds he needs someone to talk to just as much as the people who come to the center.  Sometimes all you need is love.





	1. Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time fan fic and I appreciate any comments or criticism. No one has seen this before so any mistakes are my own. I hope you enjoy! Huge thanks to WaywardNana for being my editor/beta and all around awesome person!!

Jensen Ackles walks in the door, out of the cold of winter, into the warm comfort of Hands of Love counseling center. He unwraps his scarf and rubs his hands together as he walks to the little call center he thinks of as home most days. There are around 15 volunteers that man a call bank that was really a suicide hotline. Jensen was so glad he could give back to his community. He had some events in his life that left him in a bad place. When he volunteers here it makes the darkness recede a bit. He smiles and nods at his fellow volunteers and engages in some idle chatter spreading his warm smile and glowing green eyes to those nearby. Everyone loves Jensen but he doesn’t know that all he sees are his own worries making his head swim and ache. His good nature and loving heart are always on display but he never keeps any of that warmth for himself. 

"Why didn’t I say something sooner?" he thinks as he again starts the dialogue in his head of his most recent heartbreak. He beats himself up for not stopping the latest boyfriend from falling in love with him when he is incapable of loving anyone. He rubs his temple as he tries to push the thoughts away and focus so he can help others with their problems.  
"I let him fall for me and it was easy to let him love me. I don’t understand why I can’t give that back." Jensen is so used to giving to others he rarely dives into what makes himself feel so cold inside. "If he only knew about…."  
He stops the thought, closes his eyes, and takes a couple of deep breaths. No need to go down that dark road better to be in the present and forget the past.

Jared Padalecki is sitting behind his desk eyes closed and long brown hair hanging down over his eyes as he holds his face in his hands.  
"Why can’t I find anyone that gets me out of this horrid funk?" He thinks. "I should be happy, I built this place to help others but why can’t it help me?" Jared sighs heavily and rubs his face a little then sits up determined to get out of this funk. 

Seeing his second in command Misha Collins walking by his office he gets up and jogs after him to catch up.  
“Hey Misha, how are you?” Jared says plastering a smile on his face.  
“Oh doing pretty good. Did you have a good vacation? Meet any fun guys?” Misha asks and smiles warmly at his friend.  
“It was ok. I thought a change of scenery might help me get my mind off my problems. Unfortunately, no luck also, no guys of any sort I am striking out lately” Jared lets the smile drop a little and his eyes show the pain. Misha reaches out and pats him on the back  
“Oh you will get to feeling better don’t try to force it. Also have you seen our new volunteer?” Misha beams as if he brought a puppy with him.  
“No, I have not but I do seem to have someone staring at me.” Jared chuckles as he looks at a green-eyed god.  
“That’s the one. Maybe you should introduce yourself boss man.” Misha gives him another solid pat and walks away giggling to himself thinking "Oh this one is going to be fun to watch. They both need this."

For Jensen it was going by like any other night and he threw himself into his work. His rambling brain and aching heart were still there but he was good at ignoring those things. As his shift of taking phone calls was winding down he heard a familiar Texan drawl and it reminded him of home. He looked around and saw a man that made his jaw literally drop open. He was tall and built like a model with broad shoulders and a tapered waist. His eyes were a beautiful hazel color and his dimples when he smiled made Jensen want to melt into the floor. He didn’t realize he was staring until the man looked at him and winked. His cheeks turning red he quickly turned back to his computer screen and tried to slow his heart slamming in his chest like a jackhammer. How did this dream guy suddenly appear here? As his thoughts were flying around like a tornado that Texan drawl is much nearer and is trying to talk to him. Wait, what?  
“I am sorry were you talking to me?” Jensen stammers and blushes as he tries to focus on the man but not stare into those dreamy eyes. The man laughs and shows off those dimples  
“Yes, I uh noticed you looking at me before and thought I would introduce myself.” Jared holds out his hand “Jared Padalecki, and you are?” Jensen forgets his name for a couple of seconds. Reaching out he takes Jared's hand and says.  
“Oh hi I'm Jensen, Jensen Ackles” Jared shakes Jensen’s hand and stares into those green emeralds that make his heart speed up as he takes in Jensen’s full lips and blushing cheeks. When they realized they were still holding hands they both let go and laughed together.  
“Well it is nice to meet you Jensen and I do hope that we will see each other again soon.” As Jared walks away Jensen realizes he didn’t say a word beyond his name and mentally kicks himself and whispers. “Oh god I hope so”. 

Jared is in a meeting, but his mind cannot focus on the task at hand he is so busy reliving the touch of the warm hand and the beauty of those emerald eyes. The man seemed to be cut from marble with his broad shoulders and amazing ass. His skin was freckled, and his lips would make a monk weep. “Jensen” he whispers the name to himself and feels his dick twitch in response to the images in his head. Shaking his head a little to clear his thoughts, he focuses again on the speaker and does his best to pay attention. After half an hour he gives up and lets his mind roam free and wonders what Jensen’s story is and why he wants to volunteer here. Jared started this business because he suffers from Depression and he wants to help anyone in need of counseling, so they never feel alone. It is his passion to give to others and try and save as many as he can because he couldn’t save the one that mattered the most. When the meeting ends he goes to Misha to ask about Jensen.  
“Hey there that was boring huh?” Jared rolls his eyes and smiles at his friend.  
“Well it wasn’t exciting, but I think you had other things on your mind.” Misha smiles knowingly.  
“Well, yes I can’t stop thinking about Jensen. What made you hire him?” Jared fidgets with his hands in his pockets nervous and excited to learn more about this new volunteer.  
“He came in while you were on vacation. He shows such light and gives a lot to anyone around him and we thought that could translate to a good call desk volunteer. He has something going on that leaves him sad and he does his best to hide it, but I know you understand how that feels and I do too.” Misha said with a gleam in his eye. “Really I saw him and heard that accent and thought of you.”  
“Well I approve so far but I will be trying to learn more about this new volunteer.” Jared said thinking to himself that if the inside was even half as wonderful as the outside he was in trouble. Misha nods and thinks before responding  
“He is really amazing on the phone and gives off such wonderful calming vibes.” “He is also a very hard worker and I think you will like him.” Misha winks and chuckles to himself.  
“For some reason Misha I am beginning to think you are trying to set me up!” Jared looks sternly at Misha, but it doesn’t last, and he smiles.  
“Who me?! Never!!” Misha looks innocent but anyone that knows him knows that he is anything but innocent!  
As Jared leaves for the night he looks around for Jensen but doesn’t see him and sighs to himself. “I am going to have to make it in earlier tomorrow to see if I can catch that hot guy in action.” Jared’s dick is starting to get hard at the dirty images in his brain and he knows later he will be getting off thinking of Jensen.


	2. Coffee

Jensen gathers his coat and scarf and scurries for the door after Jared walks away not even bothering to say goodbye to anyone. Jensen is flushed, and his dick is at full attention as he sits behind the wheel and closes his eyes. Jared’s hot ass and his cute dimples flash through his brain as he starts to drive home. Jensen has not responded like this to any previous boyfriend and he just met Jared. He can’t believe how hot just a handshake could be and Jared’s face will not leave his mind. Jared’s hazel eyes and his dimples make Jensen want to hurry home to jerk off. He is uncomfortable and needing relief when he gets to his apartment building. He hopes he is alone in the elevator, so no one sees his need for release. He gets into his apartment and shuts the door and gives a soft moan as he rubs his straining cock through his jeans. He strips off his clothes as he walks to his bedroom and searches for the lube as images of that amazing ass and brown floppy hair make him moan again. Freeing his cock from his underwear and jeans pulling them down to his knees he sits on the bed. He is generous with the lube as he fists his cock and wishes it was Jared’s hot mouth on it. He imagines the pink soft lips stretched around his cock. He moans again as he bucks up into his fist and tries to slow down to enjoy the moment. He lies back on the bed and starts stripping his cock slowly and imagines it is Jared riding his cock. That hair flying into his hazel eyes and his hot ass clenching around his cock. He rubs his balls with one hand and moans again as he imagines Jared closing his eyes head thrown back and calling his name. Picking up speed he is sweating and tossing his head side to side and as he moans the name “Jared” as he came all over his hand and stomach. Breathing hard he closes his eyes and feels something he hasn’t in a long time. Anticipation for the next day and seeing Jared again.

Jensen is giddy as he heads off to the call center and it took him much longer than usual to get ready. He went through several pairs of jeans trying to find the right casual yet tight look he is going for. He chooses a tighter shirt but nothing hookerish. He makes sure his hair is perfect and smiles at himself in the mirror feeling excitement. As he makes the drive he thinks about what is making him so excited. He is still not sure he can return love but something about the tall presumably Texan that has sparked a fire in him. Jensen began to hum along with the radio and couldn’t wait to get to the counseling center.

Jared was having similar thoughts as he was pretending to work in his office while peeking out the door looking for Jensen to appear. Jared is very shy when it comes to actual dating as he has sworn off the kind of relationship that requires commitment. His heart is still sore, and he guards the broken pieces. He is very excited to try his best to at least have a friendly and possible sexual situation with the green-eyed hottie. Jared closes his eyes and tries to keep himself from getting hard because he can’t keep Jensen’s full lips out of his mind. Trying to steer his thoughts back to safe ground his dick doesn’t want to obey. He pushes gently on his bulge to try and keep it from getting to full attention. Misha walks in to his office and that distracts him enough to get back to business and push thoughts of Jensen to the back of his mind.

Jensen walks in and looks for Jared and hums to himself as he walks towards his desk. He doesn’t see Jared but that is ok maybe he was wrong and should just get to work. Then he smells something earthy and musky and turns his head to look at Jared’s warm eyes taking in Jensen’s outfit and getting a little rosy pink in the cheeks. Jensen puffs up a little at the way Jared is blushing and feels like for once he is the one being lusted after. Of course, he is lusted after all the time but he doesn’t notice.   
“Hello again.” Says Jared warmly flashing those cute dimples with a smile.   
“Hello Jared, I am glad I got to see you again.” Jensen blushes but goes on. “I didn’t get a chance to say much because my brain ran off after you talked to me. I tend to get nervous and my brain stops working.” Jared smiles again and says sweetly “Oh don’t worry about it I am sure most people have trouble talking to you due to your stunning looks.” Jensen blushes harder and doesn’t know what to do. “Well I seem to have the ability to make you stop talking.” Jared looks Jensen in the eye and says “I want us to get to know each other. I didn’t get a chance to interview you so maybe we can have some coffee sometime soon?” Jensen is surprised but happy he didn’t have to make the first move. “I think that would be good. When are you free?” Jared is so delighted that he had to stop his mind from racing and look at his calendar on his phone for a minute. “Well I think Friday would be a good day for me maybe 2pm?” Jensen checks his phone just to have a moment to calm down because he doesn’t care what is on there he will be going anytime, any day! “Absolutely I would love that!” Jared smiles again and sighs happily “Excellent then I will see you around and for sure on Friday.” Jared gives him a wink and turns to walk away giving Jensen a very good look at one of his best features. Jensen smiles happily taking in the view and hoping that his twitching dick is not visible. He has a spring in his step and as he starts taking calls he pours those happy vibes down the line and seems to feel like he is helping more than usual. His fellow volunteers feel like the warm glow he is putting out is making them feel better too so the night flies by and everyone works happily together.  
The next day is only Wednesday so even though Jensen is excited for Friday to come the week is going by so very slowly. He starts to doubt himself and if this is really a good idea. His mood is heading downhill when Misha approaches him with a big smile. “Hey there Jensen, how are things going?” he asked. “Pretty good thanks.” Jensen said with a sigh. “So, I think you met our founder Jared Padalecki this week? He was on vacation when I interviewed you, so he was very interested in you when you ran into each other.” Misha said and smiled warmly. “Oh, wow I didn’t know who he was when I met him.” Jensen said and began to think that maybe coffee was a bad idea with someone he works for not with. “Don’t worry he is very sweet and easy to get along with he is a longtime friend.” Misha smiled at Jensen’s wide eyes and wondered if there was a spark between his friend and Jensen already. “Oh well, he invited me to coffee and I am thinking maybe that is a bad idea now.” Jensen frowned and began beating himself up for even getting excited about this coffee date. “Oh no he wants to get to know all the people that volunteer here don’t back out just relax and treat him like everyone else. He hates people knowing his position here because he likes being a part of the group not set apart. Well, back to the grind.” Misha smiled again and turned to go. Jensen watched him walk away and started thinking about what might make someone start this kind of place and with that kind of passion what kind of a guy Jared might be like. It begins to make his heart flutter.

Friday finally comes, and Jensen is so excited he can hardly think. He takes his time getting ready and nervously checks his phone for the 20th time as he worries about what time he should leave. Jensen finally drives off to the center a little early because he isn’t sure where they will go and doesn’t want to be late. As soon as he walks in he sees Jared casually chatting with another volunteer, but he looks at Jensen as soon as he walks in the door and smiles then excuses himself from the volunteer. Jensen’s heart picks up speed and he tries not to blush under the steady gaze of Jared’s gorgeous eyes. “I am so glad you are still willing to go get coffee with me. Misha stopped by to chat and he said you were a little spooked.” Jared smiles “Well I was but I think you are worth talking to.” Jensen blushes and smiles shyly. Jared is touched and his heart beats faster as his mind races. “Well let’s get out of this place then.” Jared walks with Jensen and they go a block or so in the brisk cold walking in silence to the nearest coffee shop. Jared holds the door for Jensen and that makes Jensen feel giddy because no one does that for him. They order and sit down in a quiet corner. “Well Jensen tell me a little bit about yourself. It sounds to me like you might be from my home state of Texas?” Jared smiles and looks deep in Jensen’s emerald eyes. “Yes I am from Dallas born and raised.” Jensen said with a smile. “Ahh I am from San Antonio born and bred.” Jared said with a chuckle. “I am an only child from a loving home, but I lost my mother when I was a teenager.” Jensen said with a frown thinking about that dark time not sure why he brought it up. “Oh my gosh I am so sorry.” Jared said taking Jensen’s hand in his and looking at him with that look that makes puppy dogs look evil by comparison. Jenson’s gentle spirit went straight to Jared’s heart and made him feel warm inside. “Oh, thank you but it was a long time ago. It is one reason I wanted to volunteer at Hands of Love because I want to help others not go down that same road.” Jensen sighed and looked down at the table fighting the memories bubbling to the surface. “Jensen look at me, are you saying your mother took her life?” Jared said in a soft voice. Jensen looked up with tears in his eyes. “Yes, I am sorry I don’t know why I am talking about this it is something I don’t like to talk about. I don’t like pitty.” Jensen let a tear slip out then looks away from Jared beating himself up for being so vulnerable. Jared reaches out and wipes away the tear then turns Jensen’s face toward him. Jared leans across the table and kisses the tracks of his tears gently and then gives Jensen’s lips a brush before leaning back and looking into his eyes. Jared says softly. “I know exactly what you mean I had a loss in my life too I don’t like to talk about and it is what led me to start Hands of Love. I hate pity as well and you will never have that from me.” Jared holds eye contact and Jensen begins to feel calm and relaxes even while his lips tingle and his heart is pounding. “Thank you, Jared, you have an amazing way to make me feel calmer.” Jared smiles and Jensen blushes. “I am glad that you shared with me Jensen and I can see that you are passionate and a great person.” Jared realizes he is still holding Jensen’s hand and gently lets it go. “We seem to hold hands a lot, I like it.” Jared winks at Jensen and they both chuckle. The rest of the time they chat about Texas and the Cowboys as well as other things they have in common. Jared looks casually at the clock on the wall and gasps. “Wow we have been here for two hours! I think we need to continue this in the evening over dinner when we both have more time?” Jared says and holds his breathe wondering if he is moving too fast. “Oh, I would love that Mr. Padalecki.” Jensen says excitedly. “No Jensen that is my father call me Jared please. I don’t want us to have any titles or anything else as a barrier between us.” Jared says with a sly wink that makes Jensen’s dicks twitch. “Ok Jared then how about next Friday night?” Jensen asks. Jared smiles and inwardly lets his breathe out. “I think that sounds great how about we meet at work around 7pm and go from there?” “Sounds great Jared.” They both smile and get up to head back and they are quiet as they both begin to imagine and build up the excitement in their minds.

Over the next week they both are busy and see each other in passing but don’t get to do more than say hi. Jared is thinking about Jensen during his free time and has jerked off to the images of Jensen kissing him with those hot full lips. He feels as horny as a teenager. After he lost Thomas he didn’t think he could feel this way and he hopes he is not throwing his heart into this too much. He doesn’t think he could bear it broken again. Jared pushes away the thoughts as he focuses on his job and the excitement of next weekend! Jensen too is busy and happy that he has a chance to find someone that might be someone he can return affection to. It is going so fast, but his heart has not felt this kind of joy in a very long time and he is afraid it will be a dream and he will wake up cold and alone. Pushing the thoughts away he lets in the dirty thoughts of Jared riding him and he has to stop what he is doing and hurry to the men’s room to take care of it before he cums in his pants. Unknowingly he is sharing the same problem that Jared has and while they both try to be quiet Jensen hears someone else softly breathing and moaning a couple stalls away and it just makes him jerk harder and faster using his precum to lubricate his already throbbing and hard cock as he imagines the other guy stroking his own cock only a few feet away. Trying to stay quiet Jared too hears another throaty moan and wishes he could see the other man jerking his cock and that alone makes Jared have to bite his free hand and cum hard into his hand and the toilet. Jensen hears the hitch of breath and he thinks the other guy must have come and that sends him over the edge and all over his own hand. Jensen sits quietly trying to catch his breath and wipe his hand when the other guy emerges and heads to wash his hands. Through the gap in the stall door he gasps softly as he sees Jared washing up and he wonders who Jared was thinking about. Jensen waits until Jared leaves then goes to clean up and this makes Jensen’s mind wander and he almost gets hard again thinking he was so close to Jared’s dick and didn’t get to see it. Oh well back to work Jensen goes back to his desk and has a hard time not blushing every time he sees Jared after that.


	3. Dinner

Finally, the Friday date night as Jensen is calling it arrives and he almost can’t hold still that day. He digs out his favorite casual slacks that are tight but not painted on and his favorite button down that shows off his freckled chest. Time seems to drag by for Jared too and he cannot concentrate at all, so he calls off the rest of his meetings for the day and takes off early to get ready. Jared decides on his favorite pair of nearly painted on pants and of course that requires going commando and that can be handy on a hot date he chuckles to himself. His shirt is tight and shows off his chest and rock-hard stomach. Both men show up a little early and smile at one another. Jared can’t stop staring at the freckles exposed on Jensen’s chest and feels his dick beginning to be interested, making his pants uncomfortable. Thank goodness it is cold, and commando also makes him feel the freezing cold blowing through the pants on his cock so that helps slow things down. Jared has been thinking about Jensen all week and is not sure why Jensen is turning his head so fast. Jared tries not to think about Thomas, but his mind won’t quit reminding him of why he needs to slow down and get this right.  
Jensen’s heart beats faster seeing Jared in that tight and very hot outfit. He wonders if Jared managed to get underwear on and stops because his dick is taking an interest and he doesn’t want to be embarrassed. Jensen is trying to make his logical part of his brain wake up and think about why he seems to be drooling over a virtual stranger. Jensen has lost so much and love is hard to find for him but he wants to have hope.   
“Good evening Jensen you look very nice tonight.” Jensen blushes “Hello Jared you look amazing.” Jared blushes too but holds eye contact “Well, let’s take off I made a reservation at a great steakhouse here called Cattlemens. Since we both are from Texas I thought steak was a good choice.” Jensen nods “I love a good steak so that sounds perfect.” Jared takes Jensen to his car and holds the door as Jensen gets in. Jensen is blushing again because he has never had someone treat him like this like he is precious and special. Jensen has not known much love or kindness. When your mother is gone from your life at an early age those you are left with are not always kind.   
Jared takes off to the restaurant and they make idle chatter through the meal. Jensen finds himself laughing and feeling easy talking to Jared. Jared is learning that Jensen is smart and gentle. He is confident but shy as well and that just makes him adorable. Jensen is learning that Jared loves to laugh and joke making others feel comfortable and special without even thinking about it. They enjoy the steak and as time winds down Jared begins to make hints about what he is calling dessert but what Jensen desperately hopes involves some version of them naked in bed. “Jensen do you think you might want to come over to my apartment for a nightcap?” Jared says and holds his breath. “I think one drink would be ok” Jensen says with his heart pounding wildly. Jared smiles and pays then they both go to Jared’s car and the ride to his apartment is full of delicious sexual tension. Jensen follows Jared into his living room and feels very nervous. Jared brings Jensen a drink and they sit on the couch sipping but not sure who will make the first move. Jensen is working on his nerve when his eye catches Jared’s semi hard cock jumping in his tight pants. Jared has been staring at Jensen’s emerald green eyes and his full plump lips. Jared is trying to take things slowly but his cock is not listening and is getting to full attention. Just the sight makes Jensen give a guttural moan and his cock is hard as a rock in an instant. Jared moans and reaches out to remove Jensen’s drink and set it on the side table before delving in to a deep kiss of Jensen’s full soft lips. The first brush of their lips is like an electric shock and they both moan into the kiss as Jared’s tongue gently probes Jensen’s mouth. Jared reaches out and unbuttons Jensen’s shirt brushing the bronze hot skin under his fingertips. Jensen moans into the kiss and unbuttons Jared’s shirt at the same time. Jared breaks the kiss and licks Jensen’s exposed nipple as he finishes removing Jensen’s shirt and throws it aside. Jensen arches his back into Jared’s mouth groaning and whispers “fucking bite me”. Jared bucks like he was shocked and gently bites and sucks at the nipple that begins to harden. “I love dirty talk Jensen keep fucking talking.” Jared bites one nipple again and straddles Jensen’s lap. “Fuck Jared just like that “ Jensen moans. Like their cocks were magnets they move their hips together rubbing their cocks together through the fabric with a delicious friction. Jensen leans his head back and breaths heavily. “Oh fuck this is hot.” Jensen is getting dizzy. The feel of Jared’s hot cock through his pants is making Jensen crazy. Moaning Jared reaches down and rubs Jensen’s cock through his pants and groans at the size. Jared wants that huge cock in his mouth. Reaching down Jared quickly undoes Jensen’s pants and slides off his lap to pull them down along with his underwear to Jensens ankles. “Your cock is so fucking thick Jensen” Jared licks his lips. Going to his knees he looks in Jensen’s lust blown eyes as he takes the huge cock in his mouth. Jensen is panting and trying not to buck up into Jared’s mouth as he expertly sinks his hot mouth over Jensen’s throbbing cock. “Oh fuck that feels so good” Jensen gasps as Jared takes in his cock all the way down his throat his lips resting on Jensen’s balls. Jared hums and begins to bob up and down on Jensen’s huge cock. Jared can’t believe how thick it is and just the right length to deepthroat and not gag. The feel of Jared’s lips and hot wet mouth make Jensen growl and fist his hands in Jared’s hair. “Fuck if you don’t slow down I am gonna cum” Jensen is gently pulling Jared off his cock and watches as Jared breaks the suction with an obscene pop and pulls him up for a deep kiss full of fire. Jensen reaches down and grips Jared’s cock through his pants and pulls away from the kiss to say “ You are way too clothed and I want your hot ass on my cock soon” Jared stands and begins to strip but slowly so he can tease Jensen. Jared unbuttons his jeans and rolls them slowly over his hips to show he isn’t wearing underwear and grins. Jensen slowly strokes his cock and watches the show licking his lips as Jared’s huge long cock pops into view. Jared turns so his beautiful ass is wiggling towards Jensen. As soon as Jared bends over to take off his pants and show Jensen his pink hole Jensen reaches out and gently smacks his ass as he leans in and licks a stripe over the quivering pink flesh. “Fuck yes” Jared chokes out as that skilled hot tongue makes him shiver and his cock leak pre cum. “oh my god Jensen please let me get to the bed before I collapse.” Jared stands up and takes Jensen’s hand and leads him to the bedroom. He digs in a drawer for lube and a condom putting them on the bed as he gets in a kneeling position with his ass in the air and his head turned on the bed so he can watch. “Jared your ass is even more amazing than I imagined” Jared just moans and wiggles it as Jensen kneels down to give that pink hole another lick then he gently licks and kisses Jared’s hole until it begins to quiver then he sticks his tongue in gently and with the other hand grabs the lube and as his tongue thrusts in and out he lubes up a finger to begin loosening Jared up. Jared can only moan as he watches Jensen worship his ass like no one ever has. His cock jumps and bobs aching but Jared knows if he touches it he will cum and he wants Jensen’s huge cock in him before that happens. Jensen replaces his tongue with his finger and is probing in Jared’s silky hot flesh moaning as his cock gets harder and is dripping. “Fuck you are so hot” Jensen whispers as he opens up Jared as much as he can before he goes mad with need to be inside him. “Jensen please fuck me.” Jared pants “fucking ride me with that hot ass.” Jensen moans. “Fuck yes” Jared replies and stands up to kiss Jensen. Turning around breaking the kiss Jensen lays back on the bed as Jared opens the condom and slips it over Jensens huge cock. Jensen twitches and moans at Jared’s touch. Jared positions himself over Jensen and sinks down on that hot thick flesh. “Oh God it feels so fucking good” Jared moans and when he sinks down and Jensen is balls deep Jared throws back his head and begins to growl as he bounces up and down on Jensen’s thick cock. Jensen is using every trick in the book to hold off the orgasm hurtling toward him at the sight of Jared’s beautiful body riding him and his long hard cock bouncing off Jensens stomach as he rides. Jensen reaches out to touch Jared’s cock to distract himself and Jared smacks the hand away and pants “Don’t I want to cum just from your enormous cock.” Jensen shivers ”Fuck this might not last you are so fucking hot” Jared smiles and rides faster making his prostate rub on that huge cock as his own orgasm is almost there. Jensen grabs Jared’s hips and begins to fuck up into Jared so he can control the pace and hopefully make Jared come first. As Jensen changes the pace Jared gasps as Jensen hits his prostate directly with each drive and Jared is lost Screaming Jensen’s name as he comes untouched all over Jensens chest and stomach. As Jared’s ass clenches around Jensen’s cock he grunts and moans out Jared’s name as he follows him over the edge pulsing inside Jared’s heat. Jared collapses next to Jensen and passes out. Jensen chuckles and strokes his hair as he looks at that angelic face and sighs. Jensen is very concerned now that his heart is being stolen by this man with the dimples and sweet eyes. Jensen gets up quietly and goes to get a washrag to clean them up gently. He kisses Jared’s face until he wakes up enough to move under the covers. Jensen makes the little spoon as Jared throws his long arms around him and sighs in his sleep. Jensen smiles and slips into the most peaceful sleep he has had in years.


	4. After glow

As the sunlight heats up the room Jensen groans and rolls over to get up. He contacts a warm body and startles awake confused then he smiles as he sees the most handsome sleeping man. Jared with his mouth hanging open and his face soft and relaxed. Jensen sighs and gets up to relieve himself. Jensen goes back to bed and softly begins to kiss Jared all over and as he gets a quiet moan as he is reaching Jared’s thighs he smiles and looks up to see Jared watching him with lidded eyes partly sleepy partly lust blown. “Good Morning Jared” Jensen says and then licks a stripe up Jared’s morning wood. Jared moans and lays back “Great Morning I would say” Jensen chuckles and goes back to nip and suck at Jared’s long hard cock. The night before Jensen did not get the chance to appreciate Jared’s large endowment. Now he took his time and gave over to the heat in his belly. He took as much of Jared’s cock as he could and hummed and bobbed up and down. Jared felt like he was floating and dreaming as Jensen gave him an amazing blow job. Jensen used a free hand to gently stroke Jared’s balls and then feel behind them to Jared’s lovely still lubed hole. “Oh God Jensen fuck yes” Jared clenches the sheets in his fists as his body is bucking into Jensen’s hot wet mouth and then trying to bury Jensen’s finger in his throbbing hole. It was blissful torture and Jared never wanted it to end. Jensen starts to open up Jared as he sucks his cock. Jensen is so hard and already leaking pre-cum that is being rubbed into the sheets. Jensen finally grabs the lube and another condom and begins to get himself ready to slip into Jared’s slick wet heat. Jared pulls his knees up to his chest and grabs Jensen gently by the cock and begins to slide his thick length into his hot waiting hole. Jensen groans “Fuck Jared I love your ass.” Jared cries out as the burn quickly subsides to the sweet ache of penetration. “Jensen fuck me hard” Jared pants out and Jensen hesitates only a moment before beginning the hard snap of his hips and the beautiful sound of his balls slapping Jared’s ass. Jensen aims to rub his cock over Jared’s prostate with every hard thrust. Jared begins to cry out as his prostate is bringing him fast to his orgasm. Jensen reaches down and begins to jack Jared off in time with his thrusts and in moments both men go over the edge into release together. Panting they collapse on the sheets and wait for their heart rates to slow down. Jensen gets up and gets a wet rag to clean them up. He is gentle and thoughtful as he finishes and then lays down next to Jared. Jensen giggles to himself and Jared asks “What is so funny about this moment?” Jensen smiles and says “Well I was thinking about the first time I heard you jacking off. Jared frowns and tries hard to think when that could be. “I don’t remember that” Jensen blushes and says “Well I did hear you jacking off at work and I was jacking it too. It made me so hot hearing someone else that I came not long after you but waited and saw you come out of the stall to wash up.” “I didn’t want to say anything as I wasn’t sure how to bring it up.” Jared laughs and thinks about it. “Oh my god I remember that! I was so hot and bothered thinking about getting you naked I had to stop and rub one out.” “Really?!” Jensen laughs “I actually was in there jacking for the same reason I couldn’t stop thinking about you” They both laugh and look in each other’s eyes. Jensen says “I know this is not normal and I don’t want you to think all I want is sex. I really like you as a person the more I have gotten to know you. I do hope that we can continue getting to know one another without pressure?” Jared kisses Jensen on the forehead softly and looks into his eyes “I am so glad we agree. I really want to get to know more about you and why you look so lost sometimes.” Jensen turns his head and sighs. “I am not ready for that just yet but the rest of me is open to you any time.” Jared chuckles “Well I think I need some food if we are going to be spending more time together.”


	5. Shattered

A couple weeks later Jensen comes in to work like any other day and is humming to himself softly while he looks for Jared. Jared is lost in thought with an email when he looks up to see Jensen in his doorway. “Howdy stranger.” Jensen beams at Jared and winks while tipping an imaginary cowboy hat. Jared chuckles . “Good to see you too Jensen, I guess we got kinda busy.” “Yes but I think we might need to get back on that horse and go out to dinner again?” Jensen nervously shuffles from foot to foot. “Well I think that is a wonderful idea! How about tomorrow night?” Jared loves to see the blush form and light up Jensen’s freckles. “Oh definitely!” Jensen is smilling bright again and it makes Jared’s toes curl imagining his warm freckled skin under his hands. “Ok how about a little later dinner I have some meetings in the afternoon. How does 8pm sound?” “Sounds great do you want to meet at my place or yours?” Jared thinks and says “I think my place works for me, I can even cook.” “Oh that sounds wonderful I can’t cook at all!” Jared shows off his dimples to Jensen making his stomach tighten and his legs quiver. Jared writes down his address and his number and hands them to Jensen. “Might as well have my number in case something comes up.” “Thanks and I can’t wait to see you again.” Jensen blushes again and takes off before the bulge in his pants gets any bigger.

Jensen feels like a horse that has been spooked. He can hardly stand still or hold onto a thought for very long. His calls go by in a blur until he hears a teary voice on the other end and his mind snaps into focus. “Hello, Hands of Love how can I help you?” Jensen says softly. “I, I can’t do this anymore..” The voice is choked and raw but is most likely a guy. “Ok, my name is Jensen, what is your name?” “Fred, but what difference does that make, I am no one…I have nothing.” Jensen closes his eyes as Fred breaks down sobbing. He lets him cry for a couple minutes. “Fred, I want you to tell me what you can’t do anymore.” Jensen is firm but sends as much sympathy he can down the phone line. “I…I have no one that understands me, no one loves me, my family threw me out like garbage.” Jensen is nodding as he listens as this sounds very familiar. “Fred, I don’t know you, but I do know that if you talk to me I will listen and help you.” Jensen is typing as he talks to make sure he can put up a message to the team that we might need a trace as this sounds like Fred might need more help. “I just can’t stop these thoughts, I can’t get any professional help because I have no insurance. I can’t talk to anyone else.” Fred is winding down the sobbing but Jensen hears another noise and ice shoots down his spine. The cocking of a pistol is a sound once heard is never forgotten. “Fred, you know you called the right place because we can let you talk to a counselor without the need for insurance. I know it all seems like there is no hope but trust me Fred we can help.” Jensen is standing waving his arms for help as he says this afraid that Fred may be too close to the end. Misha sees Jensen and runs to his side holding out a pad and pencil. Jensen writes “TRACE NOW HE HAS GUN” Misha pails and runs to start a trace on the phone call coming into Jensen’s desk. “Oh God, I can’t…I just can’t….” Fred sobs again “Fred please listen, you called us for a reason and if you just listen to my voice we can get you some help. I am a volunteer here and I have been where you are, and I know how one friendly voice can make a difference.” Jensen is on edge as he strains to hear any sound over Fred’s broken sobs. “I promised my daughter I would try…I just can’t make it stop.” And before Jensen can take a breath a loud bang comes over the line. Jensen stands up and looks at Misha while tearing off his headset. “Did you get a trace?” he yells as Misha shakes his head no….and Jensen falls to the ground and reaches for the trash can and loses all his stomach was holding. He hears muted footsteps trying to reach him as he can’t stop retching. Misha is there first and calls out for someone to get cool wet cloths and someone else to get Jared. Jensen can only keep his eyes closed as his mind replays the blast. Misha rubs his back and once he gets the clothes he rubs Jensen’s forehead and temples all the while telling him to breath deeply and try to calm down.   
As soon as the volunteer came wide eyed to his door and said “Jensen just lost a caller” Jared was on his feet sprinting for the call bank. He looks at Jensen throwing up and Misha rubbing his back and talking to him and his heart is breaking. He remembers long ago when his lover lost his battle too and he tries not to break down. “Misha is he done? If he is carry the trash can and I will get him to my couch.” Jensen is weak and close to passing out but is grateful for the strong arms that lift him up and carry him to lie down. After Jared lies him down and gets a new trash can Misha goes to empty the one he has and leaves Jared to help Jensen. “Jensen, are you ok? Do I need to call for medical help?” Jared rubs Jensen’s forehead and kisses it gently. “I will be, sorry for the commotion but it happened so fast and I lost my mother that way. It just hit me harder than I expected.” Jensen moans and moves toward the trash but nothing comes out just pain in his stomach. Jared feels his heart drop. He holds Jensen and just gives him as much silent support as he can. “Jared, I am sorry, but I think I need to go home. Would you drive me please?” Jensen says quietly. “Of course, I will let me tell Misha where I have gone then I will walk you to my car.” Jared gives Jensen one last kiss on the forehead and heads out in search of Misha. Jared finds Misha giving a talk to the other volunteers “I know that this was a difficult situation and Jensen did everything he could to help but sometimes we can’t save them. Remember to always call for a trace if you feel like the person has a gun or is in immediate danger. If anyone needs to talk about this sad situation you can come talk to me and we appreciate your help here we do so much good for our community.” Jared comes up and places a hand on Misha’s shoulder. “Thank you for talking to them I was so busy with Jensen I forgot.” Misha shrugs “No problem he needs the help. I hope you are telling me you are taking him home?!” Jared nods “I really don’t want him to be alone right now.” “Take care of him Jared he needs you.” Misha gives Jared’s arm a squeeze and walks off to handle the call center.


	6. Aftermath

Jared gets Jensen to his apartment and walks him inside and gets him settled in the bed. “Jensen do you need any water, or do you need me to get you anything?” Jensen puts an arm over his eyes and mumbles. “I don’t know maybe just some sleep if you don’t mind.” Jared nods and turns off the lights. “I will let you get some rest, but I will be nearby in the living room.” As Jared gets up to leave Jensen reaches out for his arm and holds on tight. “NO, please don’t leave me alone. Lay down with me just so I have someone to hold on to please.” Jensen is sobbing by the time he gets done speaking. Jared nods and lays down and wraps Jensen in his arms and whispers “I will be here for you Jensen just rest” Some hours later Jared wakes up to a soft sound nearby and tries to wake up his brain to figure out what woke him up. It is the softly sobbing Jensen who wriggled out of his grasp and is shaking nearby. Jared gathers Jensen back in his arms and whispers soothingly to him until he stills and falls back to sleep. The next morning Jared wakes up to Jensen not in his arms and he feels around and listens for a sound. He hears sounds from the bathroom and goes to the door to find Jensen crying softly while curled up on the floor. Jared gathers Jensen back in his arms and rocks him gently while asking him “What happened to you?” Jensen lays in Jared’s arms and holds on tight. “She told me so many times that she was going to do it and I just didn’t realize that it was her way of asking for help. As a child you think it is just her way of manipulating you of making you feel sorry for her. I never thought she would do it. I remember the hot afternoon I came home from school and saw her car there. She always worked into the evening so I was confused at first. Then as I walked in the house I heard her sobbing and saying “I can’t do this anymore…” Then the sound of a phone hitting the floor and as I ran down the hall the deafening blast happened and as I skidded to a halt she was hitting the floor and I was in panic mode. I didn’t know what to do first get to her or call 911. I ran to the bathroom and threw up first. I crawled back in the room and grabbed the bloody phone and called. I was cold like I was frozen and then dropped in syrup. I moved as if I was normal. but my brain couldn’t keep up. I had to talk to the police, my dad, and grandparents. I talked like a robot and all I wanted to do was get out of that house. I was so broken and so angry. I couldn’t understand why she did it I just didn’t understand. The older I got the more I realized that depression is not a decision and it is not something you can change with positive thoughts. I blamed her, and I just never realized that it was an illness until it began to happen to me. I went to therapy and I was on medication but my anger turned to hate but not of her of me for not stopping her. My heart turned to ice and I thought if I never get close to anyone then I can’t be hurt. I also thought I could not love anyone since my mother didn’t love me.” Jensen just lays there now limp and crying quietly. Tears streamed down his face as his eyes were looking off in the distance as if he was reliving this all over again. Jared got some tissues and dried his eyes and rocked him. “Jensen, I can’t even start to imagine how it felt for you. I can’t take it away but one of the reasons I started Hands of Love was to help others. I had a man I loved very much take his life and it nearly ruined my life. We were living together, and it looked like we would be getting engaged soon. I was expecting a romantic proposal and I was sure he was the love of my life. I was absolutely blind sided when I came home from work and found him hanging from the bannister in our home. It was too long since it happened for me to do anything but make the phone call and wait. I cried in a heap on the floor until the paramedics came and had to tend to me because I refused to respond to any questions. They took me in on a 72 hour hold to try and help me get my feet under me. That turned into about 3 months where I couldn’t do anything on my own. I refused to eat or sleep. I refused to talk to anyone or respond to any question. It took them about 2 weeks to get me to talk about anything. Then I only gave short answers but if they did not feed me by IV I would not be alive today. I spent most of my days sleeping and dreaming dreams of him hanging there talking to me. Asking me why I didn’t love him enough. I tortured myself until I finally had a therapist who got through to me. She said that I am not alone and that if I looked at those around me and asked their stories I would find that I had some people who understood me and what has happened to me. That made me think of people other than myself and my problems. So, once I got myself to a better place I swore I would make sure anyone else who needs it gets help. As I am sure you know if someone is determined there is no stopping it. So Please do not blame yourself for any of it. Your mom, this caller they were sick and unfortunately their illness got the best of them. I want to ask you to take some time off and try to get some rest and see a therapist if you were not already.” Jared held Jensen tight and waited to see if he wanted to talk or go back to bed. After a few minutes Jensen looks into Jared’s eyes “I don’t think it occurred to me you had experiences like me. I was so busy feeling sorry for myself I didn’t pay attention to your pain. I remember how you looked when I talked about my mom the first time and I thought you flinched but didn’t ask you. I am sorry for your loss too. I think I need to get back into bed for a bit because I am exhausted.” Jared smiled and nodded then helped up Jensen and walked him to his bed. “Don’t worry about me Jensen I didn’t talk about it because I don’t like to remember it. You need to worry about getting yourself to feel better ok?!” After getting Jensen tucked in Jared asks “Do you want me to stay with you for a while?” “Not right now. I feel like I just need to sleep and have some time alone.” Jared looks into Jensen’s eyes for a few minutes. “Alright I will let you be alone but I will check in on you to make sure you are safe.” Jensen frowns “I guess that is ok but I don’t like being spied on.” Jared says “I understand it is hard to let someone help you but I will not risk loosing you because no one was paying attention when you needed help most.” Jensen nods absently “Of course I understand just saying I won’t always be happy about it.” Jensen rolls over with his back to Jared and closes his eyes. Jared watches Jensen for a few minutes making sure he is headed towards sleep then he slips out to the kitchen and leaves quietly. Jared is unsure if he should leave but he knows how he felt when others tried to run his life when he was depressed. Jared picks up his phone and calls Misha. “Hey Misha I got Jensen home to bed and I just wanted to see if I could get you on board to drop by Jensen’s house tomorrow and check in on him for me. I promised not to hover but I want him to be safe and having you drop in too might help.” Misha says “Of course just text me the address and I will make sure to drop in on him.” “Thanks a lot you are a great friend” Jared says and hangs up. Jared bites his lip and worries if Jensen will be ok. Losing a caller is traumatic but it triggering and old memory can make it much worse. Jared decides to call Jensen later on and check up on him and spends the rest of the drive thinking about his ex and the horrors of his time in the hospital.


	7. Despair

The next day Jensen wakes up and stares at the ceiling fan and thinks “can I get up, do I want to.” He sighs heavily and his full bladder decides for him.  
He shuffles off to the bathroom and relieves himself then shuffles off to the kitchen for a drink. He pours himself a generous shot of whiskey and drinks half of it in one gulp. The fire that burns down his throat is welcomed as his empty stomach soaks it up and makes his head feel light. He drinks the rest more slowly as he sits on the couch the bottle nearby. He thinks of the man on the phone and how hopeless he sounded. The desperate and broken way he spoke.  
“How can I help people when I am such a failure?” That small angry voice spoke up. Jensen nods to no one and says out loud “My mom fucking left me because I failed why should anyone else stay.” All the anger disappeared, and he began to sob. He couldn’t stop the tears and cried thinking about his mother and the stranger on the phone. His thoughts ran in circles with that same angry voice telling him how worthless he is and how he can’t love or be loved. He drank more whiskey and cried for a while until the whiskey made him pass out.  
When he woke up hours later to a frantic pounding on his door he was confused and groggy. He stumbled to the door and after flinging it open he sees Misha looking very worried.  
“I am so glad to see you.” Misha leans in for a hug and smells the whiskey and recoils. “Jesus you smell like a bar!”  
“I would ask how you are but I can see you need some help.” Misha takes Jensen’s arm and helps him walk then shuts the door behind himself. The motion makes Jensen’s head swim and his stomach roils. After a few more steps Jensen runs for the sink in the kitchen. He throws up what little whiskey was in his stomach and groans.  
“You seem to always throw up around me maybe I should be offended.” Misha says shaking his head. Once Jensen is done he wipes his mouth and Misha helps him to the couch.  
“Ok mister you need to talk to me about why I needed to pound on your door to get you to it!”  
“I appreciate you checking in on me but I am fine. I just drank a little too much on an empty stomach and passed out.” Jensen’s head is pounding, and he is getting a little annoyed that Jared had sent Misha to check up on him. Why didn’t Jared come himself he wondered.  
“I don’t need a babysitter and tell Jared that if he doesn’t want to see me to tell me himself next time.” Jensen grumbles and holds his aching head in his hands. Misha frowns and wonders where that came from  
“Look I came because I care about you and I want you to be ok. I know how hard losing a caller can be. I lost a caller the first week I worked for Jared. I was a bubbly kind of guy and I thought that I could save the world. I was chatting with a guy and didn’t realize he was outside on a cell phone. Until I heard a car horn and lots of crunching noises as his phone was crushed. The man was chatting with me like I was an old friend and he was just telling me stories. He sounded normal other than saying he had lost his job and family recently. I thought maybe he just needed someone to listen. I realize now he was really wanting a distraction, so he could walk out in front of a car. That was 10 years ago, and I still feel like it was yesterday. I was so shocked, and I didn’t know what to do. I went to Jared’s office and cried for like an hour. He held me and talked to me. I had to take a few days off to get my head straight and started to see a therapist. I realized that I still wanted to help but I needed to understand that I was not going to save them all. I am just the shoulder to cry on and the one they could count on if they couldn’t count on anyone else. I came back determined to keep up the good work that Jared started. I worked my way up to being his right hand man. I want you to know that seeking help for this is a good idea even if it is one visit. Help is not a weakness.” Misha hugged Jensen and gave him a big smile.  
Jensen stared off into space and nodded but didn’t really respond much. Misha chatted at him as he made some food and got him some Tylenol for his headache. After an hour of telling stories Misha decided it was time to go.  
“Please let me know if I can help you. Call me if you feel you need a helping hand.” Jensen nodded and walked Misha out but didn’t say a word.  
Misha called Jared as soon as he got in his car. “Look you need to try and get him some help! He is going into a depression and he drinks but doesn’t really talk. I think he needs to be watched more closely and not by me. He said if you didn’t want to see him to let him know. I think you need to communicate with him and get him to a therapist as soon as possible. He seems to be shutting down. I care about him his heart is so big and he has lost so much.”  
“I was hoping he might respond to you but I guess I need to watch him more closely.”  
“Losing a parent can affect future relationships and he may immediately assume he is a problem in a relationship.”  
“Oh my god I never thought of that. I know the suicide affected my relationships, but I never thought about how his mothers relationship with him could affect his personal relationships. Abandonment can be a tricky thing. I really need to get a therapist for him. Thanks Misha you are awesome!”  
“Just doing my job boss man.” After they hang up Jared is thinking about who might be able to reach Jensen and get him to listen. Then he remembers a therapist he doesn’t use often but can be a God send in certain cases. He picks up the phone and makes an in home appointment as he is sure that Jensen won’t want to leave home anytime soon.  



	8. Therapy

Jared goes to see Jensen the next afternoon with the therapist by his side. After a little time of knocking Jensen appears looking ragged and tired but sober at least. He lets them inside and they sit down in the kitchen.   
“Well I am glad to see you! This is my friend Danneel and she thought she might be able to help you.” Jensen grunts and looks Danneel over head to toe. He thinks what is this slip of a girl going to do to help me. She looks like if she broke a nail she would cry.   
“So, therapy chick what makes you think you can help a loser like me?” He says with some snark. She puts on he best smile and says   
“Jensen, it is my job to guide you through the minefield that is your brain right now. Just from how you talked to me I bet you didn’t realize what you said about yourself. You called yourself a loser. As if putting down yourself and your snark would upset me. I am here for you not to hurt you. Your self-talk is pretty bad right now why is that?”   
“What the hell is self-talk and why do you care?” He looked at her in confusion.  
“Well self-talk is a phrase that speaks to what your inner voice is saying to you. Like if you think ‘I am useless’ or ‘I can’t do anything right’ that is your inner voice saying nasty things to you. That voice is often a part of depression and it is lying to you. I want you to tell me why you are heaping such hate on yourself?”   
“I don’t really want to talk about it, but the voice can be right sometimes and in this case I deserve it.” Jensen puts his head in his hands again. That nasty voice had been making him feel like shit. She looks at Jared and then says   
“I can’t make you talk to me but I think you really need to make another appointment so I can really help you. Jared means well, and I am glad he brought me but you are the only one that can decide you need help.”   
“I know I need help I do but I don’t think today is a good day for it.” She looks him straight in the eye and says   
“Look if you wait for a good day you will never get help. Be honest if you know you need it just make an appointment. I will only come if you are serious about getting help.”   
He looks deep into her eyes and sizes her up seriously this time. She is a petite red head, but she has a steel rod in her spine and her eyes say she is serious. He nods  
“Alright then I will call in to your office if you leave me your card and I promise I will be serious.” Jared sighs relieved that his plan worked. Jensen looks at him for a moment and adds  
“Please don’t come next time Jared I don’t need a babysitter especially out of pity.” With that he walks away towards his bedroom without a goodbye. Danneel looks at Jared and sighs.   
“You always seem to meet the most interesting people why is that?”  
“Because I am a beacon it seems for those in need.” Jared stands up and after she leaves a note with her number they walk out closing the door quietly behind them. Jensen hears the door close and lets out a big sigh. He is so confused about Jared. He seems to care but he can’t tell if that is because he sees him as a hot piece of ass or because he feels sorry for him. He can hardly think straight and decides a nap is in order.


	9. Danneel

The days pass slowly, and Jensen is sinking deeper in his own dark thoughts. Jared keeps calling but he won’t answer. He spends his days either sleeping or picking at food and thinking way too much. He sees his mother in his dreams a lot and that is when he sits up screaming. When he can’t sleep he cries sometimes as he hears Fred’s voice. He tries to play in his head what he could have said to Fred to stop the gun shot. He is sitting at his kitchen table trying to eat something but picking at his bowl of cereal. He looks over and sees Danneel’s number. He thinks about her and decides making an appointment is a good idea. She makes him feel calmer and he wants to talk to someone about what is swimming around in his mind.   
She shows up the next morning and he is so relieved. He opens the door and says   
“Thank you for coming here to see me I don’t think I can face the world just yet.” She nods and smiles  
“I am glad you called I was worried about you.” He steps aside to let her in. He shuts the door behind her. After they sit down in his living room she looks Jensen in the eye and says   
“I really want you to be honest with me and tell me what about this incident has made you react this way.” Jensen hangs his head and talks to his feet.   
“I don’t know if he told you but my mother committed suicide when I was 16. I came home from school and heard her on the phone and then she shot herself. The sound of a gunshot took me right back to that moment and all the pain and horror I felt. I was just caught up in those memories at first until I blamed myself for not helping Fred. I can’t get the horrible thoughts about how worthless and unloved I am out of my head. I don’t feel like I can do anything anymore.” She has watched and nodded and takes a moment to think before responding   
“I think your suffering from PTSD. Your mother’s suicide left a hole in you that is still raw. You were triggered from your caller’s suicide. As the shock wore off you began to blame yourself for both deaths. You began grieving for your mother’s death all over again. I know you are having some bad thoughts about yourself but try to think of this as a process. Healing is work and goes on for much longer than you think. You never got to go through proper grieving with your mother’s suicide. I am guessing that you feel responsible for her death?” Jensen’s head shoots up and he looks at with surprise.  
“I am responsible. I never believed her. I didn’t know how to save her once it happened. I know she was depressed and that is an illness, so I know it wasn’t all me, but I keep thinking there was something I could have done.” As he talked he begins to shed tears again and he gets up for a tissue.   
“Jensen, with depression you can only listen and be there for the person. Like I am here for you and Jared is as well. I know you seem to have some tension between you but please don’t let this affect whatever bond you have with Jared. That bond can be the difference between you getting better or falling into suicidal thoughts.” Jensen nods and begins to think about Jared again.   
“He is becoming a friend and something more. After my mother I felt like I couldn’t love anyone because my mother obviously didn’t love me. I have had relationships but never with my heart just with lust and lots of sex. This thing between Jared and I has touched my heart and I was enjoying life for the first time in a long time. I don’t want to give it up but I don’t know how to stop my bad thoughts about myself.” She smiles and touches his hand.   
“I am so glad to hear he has made you feel good and changed how you are living. You know he and I met when he was in the hospital and not really responding to anything after his partner’s suicide. He was so deep in his head he didn’t want to deal with the outside world. I got him to refocus on others to help him hear other people’s stories. To see if he can relate to them so he can stop just focusing on his problems. It worked, and I am so proud he created Hands of Love. I know Thomas’s suicide nearly broke Jared. He has started his healing and I think he would be a perfect person to learn from and lean on. Obviously, this is none of my business but I am looking for ways to help you Jensen.” He smiles at her for the first time since he met her and the warmth is enough to make her beam at him back. She begins to understand why he is a good person to have working at Hands of Love.   
“Thank you Danneel.”   
“No problem I know it is hard to see things when you have your head up your ass!” They laugh together, and he walks her to the door. After saying goodbye, he decides on a shower and then he would plan a way to make it back from the pit of despair.


	10. Love

Jared picks up his cell phone and is surprised at who is calling. “Hey how are you doing?” he asks excitedly.   
“I am getting better thanks man. I am sorry I have been ignoring you. I wanted to see if we can have that second dinner date we didn’t get to?”   
“Of course! I am so glad to hear that. How about tomorrow night my place?”  
“That sounds amazing I need to get out of my house badly!” Jensen chuckles a little  
“Do you have a request on the type of food or can I surprise you?”  
“Oh, I am up for anything not really picky.”   
“Great then I will expect to see you at 7pm sharp.”  
“I will be there.” As Jensen hangs up the phone he is smiling broadly.

Jared is so thrilled that Jensen called him. He was beginning to think that he was getting worse. He wanted to give him space. He understands how hard it is to interact with others when depressed. Danneel must have helped him. It doesn’t really matter how it happened just that there is a date! He must go shopping after work, so he will be ready for the big night. That phone call was enough to make him smile again.   
Seeing Misha in the hall Jared smiles and follows him. “Misha man guess who called me?”  
“Hmmm maybe our new volunteer?”   
“Yes! I get to cook for him tomorrow”  
“Oh that is wonderful! I am glad to hear he is better he had me worried.”  
“Me too but when I sent in Danneel I was pretty sure it would get much better.”  
“I had no idea you got her involved. That was a great idea she is a really good therapist.”  
“She was the only one that could help me when I needed it most.”  
“I know friend and I am grateful beyond belief. It got this place started.”  
“Oh yes and she came through again thank goodness.”  
“Well I am guessing you are ready to get out of here for today right?”  
“Yes, if that is ok I need to do a lot before tomorrow. I think I am going to come in tomorrow but only a half day.”  
“You are the boss so of course. Good luck” Misha pats his shoulder and heads off to his office.

Jared works his half day in a fog. He can hardly remember what he did as all he can think about is his date. So earlier than planned he gathers up his stuff and heads for the grocery store. He is humming to himself as he shops. He can’t keep a spring from his step. The trip to the store goes by quickly. Heading home he realizes he doesn’t have any candles or flowers. Heading to the nearest shop he looks for flowers.   
“Hello Sir. How can I help you today?” the clerk asks him.  
“Well I am trying to decide on flowers for a date tomorrow.”  
“Is it an occasion or just romantic?” She smiles warmly.  
“It is a romantic rekindling” He blushes a little and flashes those dimples.  
“Ah, well then I think you might want to try this bouquet of roses and carnations”  
“Oh that is beautiful. I think he will love it”  
“Good then I will get them ready for you. Good luck on your date!” She smiles and gives him a quick hug.

At home Jared works hard cleaning up the house. He is so happy to see his lover again. He worries that maybe it will be too soon. He doesn’t know how fragile Jensen will be. Will he want more than just dinner? This date is so important to him. It is a time for them to explore exactly how they really feel about one another. That is scary enough for him because of the scars his heart has grown. This budding romance has made him feel things he has not felt in a very long time and that is concerning. He shakes his head to clear his thoughts. He gathers up the vegetables to chop up for his special homemade spaghetti sauce. It is his best recipe and he is proud of his cooking skills. For the millionth time he checks the clock as the minutes drag by.

Jensen is nervous about the date. He is feeling very fragile and not sure what he wants to do with himself. He still has very lustful thoughts about Jared. His heart seems to be growing with love. That makes him extremely nervous because being open can cause pain. Right now, pain is not what he wants. What he wants is comfort more than anything. His thoughts are getting more positive and he wants that to continue. Doubt is also not his friend. When he was pushing away this special person he thinks he might have broken their bond. The fact that they are exploring a date is important, so he focuses on that. He is taking a bath in preparation for this date. To relax and help him center himself. As he lays in hot bath bliss his mind goes back to those dimples that make his heart do flops. He sighs and as he thinks of Jared’s eyes and lips his traitorous cock begins to come to attention. Groaning he grips his growing cock tightly and glides his hand up and down slowly. His mind wanders to long brown hair that curtains the handsome face of his lover. He is moaning and pinching his nipples while he jerks his cock harder. He rubs his balls gently as he sees that fine ass gripping his cock in its velvet heat. His moans fill the bathroom as he is speeding towards his orgasm. He cries out and cums on his chest as those soft lips touch his in his mind. He sinks in the water and sighs to himself. This is going to be a long afternoon until he can go on his date.  
Jensen gets as dressed up as he can manage and takes one last look in the mirror before making the drive to Jared’s apartment. He is nervous and worried but still excited. As he knocks on the door it is opened and the first thing he sees is those dimples.   
“I am so glad you are here. I have missed you” Jared blushes and pulls him in for a hug.  
“I am so glad to be here. I missed you too.”   
“Please come in I hope you like spaghetti.” Jensen walks in and gasps as he sees candlelight everywhere.  
“Oh my it is romantic in here and smells even better.” He gets to the table and sees the bouquet sitting at what he assumes is his place.  
“Wow they are beautiful. Thank you! It smells so good in here I forgot how hungry I am.”  
“Oh I am so glad that you like them. Please have a seat I will bring you your plate.” As he goes to the kitchen Jensen looks around with wide eyes. It is something out of a dream. He has never felt so pampered before. There are butterflies in his stomach, but it is a good feeling of anticipation.  
“This is amazing! You are an amazing cook!” Jensen says between bites. He is eating like a starving man.  
“I am glad you like it. It is my best dish by far so don’t get to excited.”  
“So, I have to ask how you are feeling. Has talking to Danneel helped?”  
“Oh yes, she is a spitfire and I am feeling much better. I have learned how to calm myself. I even started talking to my father again to help remember my mother in a good way.”  
“That is amazing. I was really worried about you but seeing how you are is a relief.”   
“I am so much better being near you. I know it sounds cheesy, but I swear it is true.” He blushes and looks at his plate for a moment.  
“Really, you are a big part of why I am getting better. A thank you will never say all I want to say to you.”  
“I am glad I could be there for you. Seeing you again makes me remember how much happier I am when you are with me.”   
“Well if you are done I think we might move to coffee on the couch?” He picks up the dishes and heads into the kitchen to bring out the coffee. Jensen moves to the couch and sits down closing his eyes and smiling.  
“You look relaxed. Here is some coffee.”   
“Ah the elixir of life. Thanks.” He sips the drink and just feels at peace. They both just soak up each other’s company for a bit.  
“So can I get you anything else?” Jared asks coyly  
“Well, I was hoping for some dessert.”  
“Oh yes there will be.” Jared smiles predatorily and takes the coffee cups.   
“Oh my what do you have in mind?” he asks as his heart speeds up and he wets his lips.  
“Oh just you naked in rose petals on my bed.” His eyes are lust blown as he pulls him in for a soft kiss. They both feel sparks as their lips softly slide together. His hands reverently glide over Jensen’s cheeks and he pulls him in for a deeper kiss with his hand on the back of his head. Their tongue’s slide gently together. Starting a slow fire in their souls. He breaks the kiss and picks Jensen up like he was carrying a child. He walks into his bedroom and stands him up beside the bed. Gently undressing him.  
“This is amazing. You are amazing.” Jensen gasps as a tongue and teeth nip at his neck.  
“The only thing I want tonight is your undivided attention.” He continues to strip him down and when he is done stands back in the candle light and smiles.  
“You are a gift. I plan to show you just how special you are.” He guides him to lay down in the bed on top of the rose petals. With reverence he kisses his face all over. He nips at his ear lobes. He touches his tongue to the freckled neck in spots tasting the sweat beading up there. His hands are softly touching the skin over Jensen’s arms and chest tracing paths of fire.   
“You are way too dressed.” He can barely speak but he reaches out and starts to help Jared remove his shirt and worships his skin in return. They both are touching and tasting skin and nipping at sensitive areas. The air seems to shimmer around their bodies as skin glides on skin. So lost in this passion they seem to be one. Sighs and moans fill the room. Then Jared stops the roaming hands of his lover looking deep in his eyes.  
“Let me be a little bold. May I put gentle restraints on you?” His eyes reflect the candles and look like they are on fire.  
Jensen nods solemnly and shivers in anticipation. His cock is dripping pre-cum on his belly. His thick cock bobs as he wonders what other surprises are in store. Silk cords are used to gently bind his hands together above his head. Once the knots are secure he begins to kiss down the freckled arms slowly. Taking the time to cover as much skin as possible he moves to the other arm. Jensen closes his eyes and moan at the feeling of soft lips on his skin. Moving to the chest he suckles each nipple one at a time. Making them stiff wet peaks. Blowing on them makes the skin grow goosebumps. He writhes and pulls at the silk but doesn’t really want to get away. Moving lower Jared avoids the leaking thick cock and moves down to the jut of the hips. Using his teeth, he gently bites at the delicate skin. Wiggling his hips, he tries to get his aching cock in on the action. Jared sits up and scolds with a smile. “Oh no you don’t you are under my command.” Going back to the sweet torture he kisses down to the freckled thighs. Then goes back and sucks on each ball one at a time. Rolling them on his tongue as his finger travels back behind to a delicate place. Gasping in surprise his emerald eyes shoot open. Strong hands fold his knees up to his chest. Looking right into Jensen’s eyes he centers his tongue over a twitching hole of sweet delights. He licks with a flat tongue slowly across the sweet pink bud. A low moan sounds from above. He licks again in a circle around the outside gaining another moan and a curse. Smiling, he licks again and again softening the skin. “Oh fuck…this is so fucking hot.” He lifts up his hips wanting more. The tongue begins to penetrate the sweet hole. He feels the flutters of the muscles in response. Encouraged he reaches for the lube and gets one finger ready to enter. As he penetrates he takes the huge dripping cock in his mouth and sucks. “Holy Fuck!” Jensen bucks up and buries his cock in the sweet heat of the talented mouth as his ass takes in the finger. Tossing his head from side to side he starts to try to remove the restraint. “Fuck I can’t…if you don’t let me return the favor I am gonna cum soon.” Jared pops off the cock with a smile “Oh dear what a predicament.” He sucks harder on the huge member. Then speeds up the finger in the sweet heat of Jensen’s ass. Moaning louder and letting his hips do what they want he pumps into Jared’s mouth as he lets himself go with a grunt. He cums in the hot mouth sucking him still. His hole flutters around the intruding finger. “That was so fucking hot.” He is panting hard as he is coming down from the mind-blowing orgasm.   
After a couple minutes Jensen sits up and gives him a deep and soulful kiss. “Oh wow!” The sparks between them keep getting hotter. “My turn” he says as he flips Jared over on his back so he can begin the long trail from chest to cock. Trying to take his time he returns the burning teasing touches. Nipping at the soft skin of Jared’s thighs he sighs. He uses no hands as he nuzzles the huge cock bobbing in his face. Caressing hot hard flesh with his tongue he teases. “Fuck please suck me.” Jared begs. “Hmm I don’t think so.” Jensen then moves down the legs to the huge feet before him. A squealing sound starts when he takes the big toe in his mouth sucking gently. He stops and laughs his head thrown back and a light in his eyes. “Are you ticklish?” Showing off a bitchface for the ages Jared scolds him with his eyes. “Ok I won’t do it again.” He moves back and begins to work on Jared’s sweet hole to open it up for his already hardening cock. “Fuck…please…more” He begs softly. That makes Jensen lose his restraint and he begins to lick and suck with more determination on the sweet hole. Getting it prepped as fast as he can without hurting. His heart is feeling like it will burst with the love he is being shown. He grabs a condom and lube. After rolling it on he sinks slowly balls deep inside his lover. Waiting for his cue to move he caresses the face he loves. After a loud groan he thrusts with a slow steady rhythm. His whole body feels like it is covered in a burning fire. The lovemaking begins to change pace to a faster more frantic coupling. They cling together as they race toward their orgasms. They lock in a deep kiss as fireworks explode behind their eyes. Jared comes his cock rubbing between them untouched. Jensen feels the clench around his cock and releases deep inside of his love. Feeling as if they are one being, one heart, one soul. They collapse together sweating and panting for air. They both are floating in the warm afterglow of mind blowing sex.   
“I tried to find the words to tell you how I feel but this seemed a better way.” Jared kisses his forehead   
“I have never felt so worshiped and loved more in my whole life.”  
“I know we said we would keep this light but I don’t think I know how to stay away from you.”   
“Agreed. I know this is corny, but you are a light in my life and fill up my soul with love.” Jensen blushes and dips his head.   
“My heart is kind of broken but I am willing to try this in a more serious way.”   
“Yes, I know I have more healing to do but I don’t want to do it without you.”  
They sealed it with a soft warm kiss and then curled up to sleep and dream of their future.

**Author's Note:**

> .


End file.
